Those Two Words

I’ve been thinking a lot about goodbyes lately.  How some require just the right timing or just the right words.  Others, you dread for days and days not knowing if it could be forever.  But distance, it’s a dangerous thing.  Two blocks, ten minutes, six hours, three years.  No matter how far you are, you are never exactly where you want to be.  Goodbyes are tricky because they say a lot about the future.  Sometimes they mean “see you soon” or “I love you but I have to go now” or “it was nice meeting you” or “good luck” or “I never want to see you again”.  And sometimes goodbyes come so fast you don’t have time to prepare, while others you plan it and make it perfect saying everything you need to say, walking away feeling satisfied instead of lonely.  When you say goodbye and watch the other person fade into the distance, you’re left with the question, “will I see you again?”  Because really you are never going to know for sure.  Knowing that puts a lot of meaning into that farewell.  There are so many words you could use: goodbye, bye, see you later, adios, farewell, au revoir.  But there is so much more than just the letters.  There’s feeling and emotion behind them, trying to represent what they truly mean.  Can you really say it all when the moment comes?  I guess the truth is goodbyes can’t get rid of missing someone all the time.  You just have to trust that they understand what those last words meant.  Those two words that could be the last you say to them.  You have to hope they feel everything you are giving them when you shout, utter, whisper it, “Goodbye.”   

More Than The Average Person

I said it got my thinking.  About getting ready to just take what I need and start going.  Going where, I don’t exactly know.  What it is that I need, that could be up for interpretation.  It seems to me that in this life, we are always moving.  Packing up and leaving behind.  Unpacking and restarting.  But I often get the urge to just let go of everything and stand still in the middle of nothing, just to lose myself in one, glorious, timeless moment of deliciousness nothingness.  Forget about the things that are unfinished, not started.  I wish life wasn’t always about beginning or ending.  Our minds are constantly wandering.  We are supposed to let them wander to those mental lists of things to do.  Let our minds act as mental alarm clocks and sticky notes of things to do, things to fix, things to start.  But me, I let mine wander beyond all that.  I let mine wander into the dangerous corner of daydreams.  I think it’s funny how one time I was filling out an online interview and the store wanted to know how often I daydreamed.  Excited I pressed the ‘more than the average person’ button, not realizing that in this society, that’s a bad thing.  I’ve always felt proud of how far my mind can go, the wonderfully, impossible things it can come up with.  Stories upon stories written inside of me.  I like to lose myself there.  Because there, to everyone else, it is nowhere.  And if nowhere is where I have to go to escape this life of beginnings and ends, then that’s where you’ll find me.